Stay Grounded During Holiday Stress

ADHD brains feel, sense, and process differently.

We tend to anticipate more, absorb more, and internalize more.

Holiday stress hits harder because November/December tend to pile on exactly the things that drain neurodivergent nervous systems the most: unpredictable schedules, sensory intensity, emotional labor, dense feelings of grief/loss/resentment, decision fatigue, and pressure to perform normalcy.

This combination often pushes ADHD women into a heightened stress response. You may find yourself:

• Overcommitting when you want to rest

• Masking your overwhelm to avoid disappointing others

• Feeling guilty for needing space

• Struggling to regulate emotions

• Trying to keep everyone else comfortable while neglecting your own needs

This is not a personal failure. It is a predictable response from a sensitive, perceptive, and overstimulated system.

During my hibernation period [roughly late Nov to March], I stepped away from the noise and asked myself a simple but powerful question:

What actually anchors me?

Not what I should care about.

Not what looks impressive.

Not what everyone else expects.

What genuinely brings me alive, grounded, and aligned? What do I consistently return to, without even realizing?

The answer came through a practice I now use with my clients: mapping out our pillars.

The times when I felt most myself, most connected, most purposeful, when momentum came without force.

From those memories emerged three foundational pillars for me personally, the constants underneath every season of my life:

Adventure.

Energy.

Truth Serum.

These weren’t aspirational ideas. They were patterns woven through every moment where I felt most aligned and fully expressed. When these pillars are present, I feel regulated, driven, exuberant. My decisions make sense. My nervous system feels steady. When they’re absent, I drift.

This is the gift of knowing your North Star: it creates clarity where overwhelm once lived.

Pillars are not the same as values.

Values shift with your life season, your responsibilities, your relationships, and your environment.

Pillars stay steady. They are the through-line of your identity.

For late-diagnosed ADHD women, they can serve three purposes:

1. • They help you make aligned decisions quickly, without spiraling.

2. • They reduce the emotional overload that comes from treating everything as urgent.

3. • They restore a sense of self during seasons when the world tries to pull you in every direction at once.

This is why they become so essential during the holidays. They create internal clarity in a season defined by external noise.

Here is the same exercise I used myself, simple, intuitive, and deeply revealing.

First, recall moments in your life when something clicked. Not moments of achievement, but moments of authenticity. Times when you felt at ease, grounded, energized, or fully expressed.

Next, write down the qualities present in those moments. Freedom, creativity, intimacy, connection, adventure, curiosity; anything that arises.

Step away and revisit the list later with fresh eyes.

Circle the words that evoke something in you. Those are clues.

Then, look for the larger concepts that your words can roll up into.

Simplicity matters here. ADHD brains work better with fewer, clear anchors than with long lists of ideals.

Finally, choose two to four pillars that feel like the essence of who you are when you are fully alive.

These pillars become your filter. Your grounding. Your permission. Your compass during chaotic seasons like the holidays.

Once you know your pillars, the holiday experience shifts. You have something to return to when you feel overstimulated, guilty, pressured, or disconnected.

Instead of saying yes from obligation, you can ask:

Does this align with my pillars?

Instead of pushing through exhaustion, you can pause and check:

What does my North Star suggest I need here?

Instead of letting every invitation or expectation feel urgent, you gain clarity:

What matters to me, not just to everyone else?

Your pillars reduce your emotional load by helping you make grounded decisions. They remind you who you are beneath the noise. They prevent you from over functioning. They protect your nervous system. They give structure to your sensitivity.

Most importantly, they help you stay connected to yourself in a season where self-connection often disappears.

This holiday season may still be full, emotional, and unpredictable; but it doesn’t have to feel unmanageable. You do not have to abandon yourself to survive December. You do not have to default into people-pleasing or masking.

You are allowed to slow down.

You are allowed to protect your energy.

You are allowed to choose what aligns with the core of who you are.

Your North Star is not a luxury. It is a form of emotional regulation.

A steadying force. A grounding structure. A way to move through the holidays without losing yourself in the process.

This season, any season, is easier when you have tools, language, and support that honor your wiring.

Your North Star is already inside you. Set up the environment such that it wants to make itself known.